I appraise my biases in life - and other stuff. Long!

 

 

Absolutely True! 

After a bad (Degenerative Nerve Disorder...) attack several years ago, I basically had to sit down and rethink my life moving forward. To do this, I needed to sort out my bias', my belief's, both Religious and morally/ethically, and my attitudes in various situations. Sigh. I have had a LOT of situations in the past. If only...

Let me start off with the happiest folks on the planet - the Gays! LBGTQ was one of the Bias' that I wanted to address, but after attending a Gay Wedding (Or Lesbian, I'm not sure what to call it, but we had a helluva good time!), I felt that I had a handle on my feelings about LBGTQ. And I will stand up and fight for their rights, as well as mine. 

Check One.

A deep dive into my Religious Past, including what I'd seen while travelling the world, and the attitudes I've seen in others have helped me develop a new belief that interestingly enough, was common to a lot of other folks - and religions.

What was my wonderful discovery is that there was an actual name for my beliefs; I am a "Universal Scientific Panthiest", and that title is a real thing, and it fits me to a Tee! 

So, for about 30 years, I've pretty much set my catholic leanings to the side as I examine my feelings, beliefs and emotions, and the Catholics can go home any day, as I've found my true belief - nothing fake, made up, or poorly thought out.

It's all about the Truth in our world. Only the Truth. Nothing but the Truth.
Everything else spans outward from the Truth, and the Truth is exposed using the Scientific Principle, not making shit up, writing it down and hoping others see it the same way you do. Uh uh. Gotta be a whole helluva lot smarter to push that load of hoohaw on me.

Of all the worlds religions, I'm kinda partial to the Sikh's and visiting their temple down the highway any time, any day, will guarantee you a nice bed and a hot meal - any time! Not one other church will bend over so quickly as their temple. No phone calls needed. No references from others. No waking up folks in the middle of the night to drive for an hour just to find you a bed.

The Sikh Temple has everything there. I laugh, but there is even an elderly man whose only job is to hand visitors a nice firm ripe banana. Perhaps even two if you pass by him a second time! A good lesson to remember.

Getting back to my beliefs - I decided, not without some deep concerns and reservations, to drop my Christianity, my Christian Attitudes, platitudes and any other "tudes" that are also associated with a Christian God. Or any God.

I became more grounded - as in becoming a "Universal Scientific Pantheist", where all my beliefs, if any, for the future, afterlife, heaven/hell, 10 commandments and so on are just so simplistically false that common sense, and frankly some scientific training and Cognitive Thinking strengthened my feelings about Religion. I am NOT Anti-Religious!!! 

I understand the pull! I just no longer believe.

I also no longer believe their stories are truth, I think I've grown up and no longer need such platitudes and demands.

I have no thoughts about others - it is none of my business. And I wish more folks would mind their own business.

Again, I will stand up and fight for your right to worship whomever you wish, as long as they don't try to push their (IMHO) Fairy Tales on me. No matter WHICH Religion. None are Illegal, so I have not much more to say....Except that if the Churches' sole business is raising money for just the Church, then start charging them taxes, as they are a fraudulent front for conning folks out of their hard-earned wages. Hell, the Mormons got a lock-down on this matter, don't they? 10%, normally Gross and not Net goes to the Mormon Church.

Each Month.

I mean, in 2012 alone, the Mormon Tithing took in between $7 and $33 Million USD worldwide. That's a lot of money to send to some tiny village in Peru or Sudan. I wonder how much it is today???

Say, did you know that back in the 1800's that Tithing could be paid with donating one day of your time every 10 days, working for the Church.

OR - Tithe with products such as: Livestock, Produce, Gold dust ... or ... Slaves.

Yup, that's right, I'm tithing 2 slaves to the church so I don't have to go work with those wonkers for another 20 days.

Check Two!

What else did I have to ponder. Well, the number one issue I have is the attitude folks have towards my "apparent" handicap. I'm a big guy. I can still walk - a bit, but must temper that with payback in the form of pain. Leg Surface Pain. Like my leg is on fire. [Edit: Bilateral Nerve Pain now...]

Sure, I take a lot of drugs, many with FB mentions as to their their effectiveness and side effects - Yes, I know all about that. I live it every second of every day. One of them is a "natural" replacement for - in this case - Ativan, sometimes referred to as Lorazepam, a Benzodiazepine.

What folks don't normally see is what I go through when I have a Pain Breakthrough [That's the proper name for such an attack]. That is when my nerves do weird and not wonderful stuff. Think of your whole leg being "asleep" with pins and needles.
Real hard pins and needles.
Hurtful pins and needles.

You know how it feels to try to move a limb that is "asleep". At times, it could be painful to position one's self, so the best thing to do is to sit and massage and stretch to "wake" up the nerves.

In my case, Pins and Needles are a constant background in my Right leg. Then it begins "warming up", the sensation becoming deeper, more insistent, then in the background, like a huge bruise on my thigh, the pins and needles become folded into a bruising-type pain, and if the breakthrough is bad enough, the bruising pain suddenly becomes a jet engine, ramping up quickly, creating more pressure and then someone throws some gasoline on my leg to cool it off, but it ignites and now my leg is aflame.

That's right, my leg is on fire. There is nothing I can do because it is all internal - all in my head, so to speak The nerves are screwed up, either impinged, raw, stripped or whatever.. At best, my leg gets real warm (hot), I cannot even touch a hair on my leg as that would impart a painful sensation, not unlike a knife stab. Okay, a Stiletto knife.

So I have to "manage" the pain without even being able to touch my leg. Have you ever hurt your leg and NOT grabbed it with your hand? Next time try NOT touching the painful area. Every time. Several times a day.

Then you get an idea of my daily source of depression. I literally am on Recliner # 4 in my office [my Pain Room, so to speak] as I grip the bolsters so tight at times, I literally rip the material on seams. I've tipped over backwards, head on the floor, and could not move for up to 45 minutes as I managed the continuing attack.

Check Three

So, let me finally get onto my final deep thoughts - although many of them come because of some rather expensive therapy. Let's talk depression.

We all suffer from Depression in one form or other, some from childhood, and other later on in life.

One of the major causes is because of the natural circle of life - the death of a loved one. Some folks never get over it. Others manage their internal pain and are able to carry on with their lives knowing that more may pass in time.

I sort of tried suicide 3 times - not sure if the wife is aware of the first two, but I chickened out all three times because, well because I thought that ending it all is not actually ending it all. It becomes a beginning for my loved ones - beginning to mourn, beginning a new life without me, beginning to hate me for not sorting out paperwork before I died.

And inside, I also thought that I would also miss my loved ones too.

Not in a Religious way - In a Universal Consciousness kind of way. Yeah, weird, eh?

And would taking my life be really fair to others close to me? Would it send a signal that would cause folks to not like me? Would it start rumours. Would all that attention focused upon my loved ones be fair to them?

So why do I keep fighting to stay alive and put up with all the pain and misery? People often don't know what my life is like, and as the pain breakthroughs ramp up in severity and length, folks are pushing me to go back to the U of a Pain Clinic for new drugs.

Look - It took my almost 15 years to find the current mix 'n match group of medications that enables me to manage my pain, but because of a bad experience about 20 years ago, I am very, VERY nervous about new medications.

Why? Because for a whole year, I have absolutely NO memory of what I did. I was the Chairperson of an organization, and apparently ran meetings, consulted with the executive and thought I ran a fair group (apparently), and finally quit when the membership wanted to throw all their hard-earned money towards supporting another "agency" to the determent of current groups finances.

I guess I was not too far wrong, as the Treasurer quit with me at the same meeting.

Anyhoo, that's about all I've been able to dredge up/remember/read about (in minutes, etc). What I did at home, I have no idea. Where we went, what we did...nada. But I was apparently fully functioning.

And I will never do that again. I'm too old to be losing years of memory at a time when I have not even exhibited any tendrils of dementia. Well, perhaps...

So, I continue to use Mindfulness to work through the bad breakthroughs, mostly from 7's on up. 6's and lower are a bit less work, and just relaxed breathing is good enough - perhaps even trying to read a bit in the meantime.

Check Four.

So, yeah, I use a mobility scooter to get around - because having extreme pains just trying to reach up for a product can end up with me on the ground. I'd rather have a nice soft seat to fall into, than onto a hard tiled surface.

I told my wife just the other week - to her amazement - that about 5 years ago, I had a #8 - rather high pain attack breakthrough in the local Sobey's store not too far from the pharmacy. I sat down next to an endcap, and eventually ended up curled in fetal position during the main event, and all I can remember is 2 folks stepping over me, and NO ONE came to offer any assistance.

Folks probably thought I was drunk or something. But later on, I was furious!

THIS is why I have a mobility scooter. Folks are more wont to offer assistance if I'm bent over as if I'm having a heart attack than if I am laying on the floor looking like a drunk passed out. I'm not. I'm doing mindfulness to manage the pain, and that is on me, as I do not like stopping in the middle to answer someone's question because it opens the pain door again, and takes a while for me to calm down again.

My pain scale goes up to 10. No higher. Because any higher would mean my heart stopped. At 10, I normally am passed out from the pain. Do Not wake me up - I'd rather wake up naturally after the attack has ended. TY. Also - do NOT call an Ambulance, as I WILL refuse it. Violently if necessary as is my right.

Check Five.

Okay, I think I beat this one to death.

Let's look at racism. 

Am I a racist? 

Well, I believe that when I was younger, I was totally racist. 100%, Especially before High School. I had never met a black person, hispanic or South American until my later teens, when I joined the Army.

Until then, I was basically freewheeling with all my learned attitudes - mostly from my friends, mind you. My parents would never talk like that. Surprisingly, looking back on the internet, TV was also a big supporter of racism at that time. Women were to stay at home, could not vote, work or earn money other than small markets, sewing and so on. Truckers and many others locally used the "N" word without shame. "Spic's" and "Wops" were a couple other slights against the hispanic and italian folks. And more and more. B&W TV was amazingly racist, when looked back upon! Hell, I had hispanic and italian friends back then. And French, German, Ukrainian, Greek, oh hell, it was a white-on-white neighbourhood, with nary a coloured skin in sight. This was the 60's. All the folks of colour were on the opposite coast of Canada at that time.

But nevertheless, old jokes from the 40's, 50's and 60's inevitably found their way to this group of little boys who thought dirty kitten jokes were bad jokes and should be told quietly. Didja hear about the pregnant stray kitty who, when asked what kind of kittens she will have, replied "How the hell should I know - I had my head stuck in a tin cat at the time!". Hilarious!!!

Hilariously dirty! Scandalous! Then came Indian jokes, Eskimo jokes (I was a member of the Edmonton Eskimo's "knothole gang" who had super cheap seats in the end zones - where we, of course told eskimo jokes). And others. Curling Bonspeils were a great source of scandalous jokes - most often very off-colour (pardon the pun!).

So, my first real contact with other "ethnic" folks other than Europeans, was during basic army training - my first Black man. Inuit, Native, and several others - it was a fun, hard, grueling but amazing time, learning so much more than I ever did in High School, and getting paid to do so at the same time!!!

After only a couple years, and still a "one-hook" private, I'm off to my first UN Tour in the Middle East - I lucked in with Cyprus, ending up for 5 of my 6 months working with the Danish at their Contingent Headquarters. Met my first Turkish guys. And Gals. Wow, talk about exotic!!! Will not talk about much other than that as some serious shit happened I am still not able to talk about.

BUT, I did meet a shit-load of amazing folks of every religion, race, ethnicity that can be found in that region, and that was a helluva learning experience.

I mean, I found an amphitheater hidden in the hills overlooking the Med, which had a single Turkish guard - with his rifle and all - standing watch for looters and so on.

I came up to him, offered to take his photo (He was delighted), then he offered to take my photo - and surprise, he hands me his AK74 to hold while he took the photo. I mean....??? Helluva photo, I assume - all my photo's from around that time were lost on the farm after my stepfather passed away.

Not too later on, I was sent to NATO in Germany for a 5-year, 2-unit stint. First year, I lived on base, but was able to secure a flat within the first year, and permission to move onto the "economy" as it were. German landladies, lots of ladies, a german motorcycle politzei officer as a roommate (that was crazy!!!), a Porsche, BMW and Mercedes. 240kph on the autobahn! Swiss Alps and goat roads during a flood at midnight - all very life-enhancing experiences...And a German bride.

But memories will suffice. And I think I've grown inside, honestly comfortable around any folks regardless of ethnicity, skin colour or partner orientation. I think having so many colourful people just makes our world all the more beautiful, and not spoiled by the black and grey of hatred and abuses.

I consider myself blessed - in a fortunate kind of way, not a religious manner - that I feel such comfort and freedom while around all these myriad folks in our great country - that is what makes Canada great! We are a country of immigrants, and need immigration to keep up with growing demands upon our population and out country.

Folks who have issues with Immigration, Religion, Citizenship or Canadian Rights, should just get the hell out of Canada - you really are not wanted. You are NOT what made this country great. You just want to use, use, use, and not think about all the others in this country. We all need to work together, without letting race get in between us and our goals, as that is counterproductive to results, and blaming folks of other races for the ignorant beliefs is not the way to grow a country.

Look at what Trump is doing in the USA - He is trying to rob the treasury blind before his term is up. He wants his new rich friends to also help him become rich as they plunder the US, it's trading partners, and especially it's own citizens, by making them pay 15% tariff's on literally anything coming into the USA from outside countries. Who pays? US Citizens. Who wins?

Well, I suspect that there is going to be a pipeline from the Tariff account to some amount of offshore accounts belonging to Trump and his sycophants - mostly members of Congress and Senate that are card-carrying MAGA supporters at the least.

Don't forget all the Billionaires that get Tax Cuts and are probably also dipping into the Tariff accounts too!

That's another kind of racism that has gotten totally out of hand. Totally KKK fukkin' White QANON Proud Boys Batshit crazy folks.

And Trump is their leader.

Suddenly, I feel so much cleaner, whiter than white pure, non-racist, abortion supporting, handicapped with a good attitude, happy to help, talk or offer a ride to anyone who asks. I feel I am [no longer...] a mean, car-raging or blown-top angry kind of guy.

I do a lot of head-shaking as I see the younger generations doing stupid stuff - like smoking at a gas station...guy looked at me like I had 6 eyes and 4 antenna!!! I like to stop and talk with youngsters - if they are willing to put up with this old reprobate, but we often have fun talks!

Today, I spent all day in the Cat Run, putting up the final roof braces for the wire-mesh roofing, carpeted a couple 4x4 post stands for the cats (well, 8 of them) - having a pneumatic Crown-stapler sure makes that job fast and easy! Oh, it was 34° in the shade. But it's a dry heat...

Well, I put up one, sat down, read a bit, listened to the radio, got up, did another one item, sat down again for another 15-20 min break, and so on. This way, I avoid bad breakthroughs by not antagonizing the nerves. Up since 0300,. still up at 1900.

Gonna sleep good tonight. I hope you all do too! Think about your life, your beliefs and your attitudes. I only have one question for you.

Who tells you what to do, to believe and who or what to worship?
Are you okay with that?
Do you want more control over your life?

Then check out Panthiesm. Otherwise.

Why do you let them tell YOU what you want, and not YOU deciding what to believe.
Oxymoronic?
Perhaps, but if you allow others to control your emotions, wishes and intentions, you have only yourself to blame - Unless you are a Child.

No child should ever be indoctrinated into ANY organized religion until at least 18, when they become an adult, then they can decide who and what to believe.
Scouts, Beavers, Girl Guides, Summer Camps, Road trips.

All great for children growing up and learning about the world around them, and every child should have the opportunity to be a member of these groups - socializing, learning survival skills, home skills, and interpersonal skills...that will support them throughout their entire lives with practical knowledge.

Until then - hands off!!! Let them grow up pure, unadulterated, and intelligent!!!

And the world will be a happier place!

Peace!

Alter Funker
[Edwin]